October 13th

Using lipstick to cross off the days until I see him again. Kind of ironic.
Near-crying again. Well, cried a bit and then stopped. Too stressed to cry.

Do you really think I care -what- Daniel is like?? I know she's a mess and I don't like her, that's all there is too it. I know she's someone I never want to be. I don't want you to explain her fucking disorder to me and make up excuses for why she's a druggie and why she's a near-whore.

I'm writing this here in hopes you will stay out of my life, as I want all of my family to.
As I say.. Friends, read my personal thoughts if you want, but I never, ever, want a word out of you.

I'm emotional again. Carson has three fucking friends over and Dad fucked up the TV. My favorite show cut out in the middle because he was too lazy to use tapes, even though he keeps a supply of more than 5,000 sheets of paper that he never bothers to use. I hate this house. It's just a.. a... the very symbol of waste. Waste and too many possessions.

Now I am crying. God, I still need to work on it.. ........ .But.... ......... Is it a sin to realize that he reads these still? And can I really stop him from that? I don't look anymore.. I don't check. But I know that he looks.

My head hurts so I start crying and then stop and just hurt. Sweating a lot and head is full of shit.

I need a sanctuary. My room is hardly one. I can't avoid my social anxiety when I have the most social brother on earth. Three friends at once today!!! Why the fuck.

What bullocks!