Just remembering this.
I find it interesting that I broke down so much when Wess was thinking of cointinuing talking to the girl who he was with who hurt him. Interesting because about two weeks later, I was his girlfriend. At the time I had no idea I wanted to be with him.. So it was interesting. I was incredibly upset, and didn't know why.
I'm going to bold everything I think was quite interesting, in relation to the future. Also italics for the section that corresponds.
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Basics is I read a conversation she had between her and our friend Sara (the one that introduced us, Sara and i are still friends) and it basically made me think one thing: "Regardless of her immaturity, stupidity and bitchiness, I do OWE her one chance" and i talked to Sara about it and Sara told me she has been speaking to Samantha all day and she really regrets lying to me. No, I haven't done anything yet
HELL NO. NO
More like "Because.." I did promise you and you said to not make a decision like that without you
Tanya, now wait a second
No NO NO
TANYA
NO~! I don't care! the once more chance crap, it's shit! utter shit!
Tanya, it would be strictly friends, strictly friends. I may be a little hwacky for considering this but I have enough brain cells to not be lured into anything dumb. I will not get very close to her again either but she is going through this much just to be my friend at least, I owe her a chance
I don't care!!!!! You're being guilt tripped into letting her break you again. What the hell does she really deserve this?? she lied to you, continued to, didn't care, why should you give her a chance? why do you want to talk to the bitch? You said so yourself! She's a bitch! friendship would only effin hurt there's absolutely no point but 'because I gave you a chance, you should give me one' blah blah blah!
I can't give you a good reason but I find nothing wrong with it. No, it won't hurt me. I feel no hurt at all
I don't care it's POINTLESS. POINTLESS. Why do it if you have no reason to? because you can't let go? because it makes you feel better having her around? that's not moving on, that's not finding someone, that's staying on the past. you'll be spending all the time you could be looking for someone in all this time you're chatting with a stupid girl who hurt you
Tanya, I know you care about me and want what's best for me but I'm not dumb enough to let her hurt me again. No because even if her and I are just friends, aquantinces, it won't be like it used to be, I won't let it
I'm not going to wait for her Tanya, I don't want a relationship with that girl ever again
I know! SO WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS? WHY BOTHER? there's no reason! guilt! no! no excuses! I don't care what her friends say! they're her friends! of course they side with her. I side with you and I say to hell with her and let it go, don't give her the damned satisfaction of keeping you. SHE NEEDS TO LEARN THAT WHAT SHE DID WAS WRONG she learns she can use any guy she likes and he'll still be her friend .. what the hell Wess
Sara is my friend before she was Samantha's friend. I've known her for 4 years. It won't give her that satisfaction, all it'll give her is relief and it'll give me relief
how is it relieving.. to relive it all, with every word. I hate this wess I'm sick and tired of bitches winning
I won't be reliving anything though, that's what you aren't getting. It's like starting over, except me knowing her true self. It'd be like the day we met, except I won't let her get close.
Hey, I didn't lie to you yet did I? I didn't make a move because I know if I did behind your back I would hurt you. I wanted to to be here so I could explain it. I WILL NOT let her betray me again, I WILL NOT let her hurt me again, I WILL NOT let her get anywhere near as close as she was again
*throws a fit in mind* THEN WHY LET HER GET close enough to be a damned FRIEND? she doesn't deserve friend, she's not a friend, she's not any friend I'd ever want to meet. she's a selfish flirtbag who lies boasts and has issues that she will draag you into
She's more of a friend than she was a girlfriend or close friend. She cares enough that she isn't letting go and personally I would feel worse if I knew she was trying and I just totally blew her away without a second glance. That is just me, I am too sensitive and caring, I know but I've learned. After all of this, I have learned. She won't hurt me again
I don't care. It pisses me off
-Hugs- Come on, you said you trust me. Trust me when I say, I won't let her hurt me again, I won't make the same mistakes I did before and I won't let her get close
no. I don't trust you. I dont' trust anyone. and not in this situation. I may trust you with me but I don't trust you with you, stop trying to change my mind.
Tanya...people learn. I'm not a stupid person, i learn. I don't believe in abandoning people though, not like this. I mean, if I would of left and know she didn't care, it would be different. But that's not how it is...
shut up for a sec and let me explain WHY I'm so fucking pissed. all my life these people get away with stuff.. They lie to people, they cheat, they hurt people so badly. But they're so sweet and cute that no one ever gets upset at them. They get away with everything, because they cry and sob and cling and say 'oh, but I love you' 'oh, but but but' and then they just fucking do it again. people like me don't do this in the first place. And all the sweet guys out there are being deceived over, and over, and over, because they can't say 'no' and leave. they ignore everyone around them, just because they think she's what they need, and it's such shit. and they're so confident and so easily control everyone around them. they need to die. the nice people, no one cares about them because they always want to give the bitch a second chance. they'd rather listen to her sob story than find the one who's actually for them. they'd rather pity her and fall for what she says. they'd rather be her little whore and let her continue to not learn.
I want her to hurt for all she's done to you and not WIN
You're acting like I want her back in my life for a serious relationship or because I want her to get close to me again. I'm fine with her being my friend, aquantince, nothing even close or relative to serious. I will not fall for her, I will not. She's not the one I want to spend my life with, she's not the one I want to be with, she's not the one i want to be close with. A friend is a friend. I won't let her get any satisfaction out of this
I just hate her
Because basically...in her convo with Sara she said: 'I will move on, if he comes back and doesn't want to be with me I will move on' and I don't care, she acts this way to try and hurt me and it doesn't work with me anymore
I hate everyone like her
Tanya, have enough respect for me to realize I would not let myself get hurt by her again. Please
I still fucking hate this. people like her... don't deserve.. another chance.. I hate it
It's not like I'm going to give her something to be satisfied over. I'm going to give her a friend but not a close friend. Her and I won't even be the friends we used to be. I won't give her advice, I won't care what boys she goes out with, I won't let her guilt me by saying anything and if she attempts to, I'll walk away because I know how she is now
then why are you being her friend again?
Because regardless of what other people see, I owe it to her. Just because she broke her promises to me doesn't mean I need to break every promise I made to her
you don't need to break every promise. I want you to make it all stop. every myspace message, nearly, on my page says 'thanks for cheering me up' or something about how you were depressed. you were sad whenever you were with her, as long as I knew you. is it wrong to think this is bad when she betrays you and you still want to be her friend. I don't want you to be friends with someone who makes you sad
I never said it is wrong, I'm not upset with you or anything Tanya. I undersatnd why you're upet but doing this, will make myself relieved and it will just clean my concious. Yes, because as bad as that sounds, that's what kind of guy I am. I cannot abandon people. She won't make me sad anymore though, I won't let her...understand this, I won't let her. You knew us as long as her and I were together...when we were friends, things were normal. She won't make me sad
I hate her, that is all, I'm tired and I'm so pissed at you and her. because I hate it
Well I just sent her an e-mail because she is still on...do you want to see it?
I don't care It'll just piss me off
*email is shown*
she.. does not deserve this.. *sigh* I don't know why but I feel like crying my eyes out
-Hugs you- Come on..
I do.. I don't know why. something about it
I won't allow her to hurt me anymore, I WILL NOT allow it
I don't care about that, that's not why I feel like crying that's what I mean I dont' know what I mean I dont' know
:
she hurt you. she hurt you. so why does she get it all back.. what the hell am I connecting this with that hurts anyway.. mmm
I dont' see the logic in these things.. friends.. are those you hold close to you, those you love, those of your special group that you can trust and tell everything.. why keep someone so undeserving.. I would never speak to her again
You know what though, I am upset now but not because of her. I'm upset because I don't like seeing you so upset over this. She's won a friendship, she hasn't won anything else. A normal friendship is almost worthless. No, to me a friend is just a person you talk to. There's something inbetween friend and a relationship. Best friend, close friend, whatever you want to call it
now I know why this is hurting me.. because THAT WAS ME No matter what anyone did to me I would give them another chance and it hurts. but I let everyone walk all over me I forgave absolutely everything' I gave everyone second chances and it's not fair. I can't stand up for myself, I can't do a fucking thing to mean people.. so watching you do it, it makes me so upset.. I'm just so tired of mean people getting everything they want... while I get nothing.. I hate to watch it happening to other people too
I was never close because it felt like I never was going to let it go. Even though she may not be grateful, that little convo right there gave me relief. I feel like everything is just fine now. This pain is obviously more about your past than what is going on with me. But that doesn't make you a bad person it doesn't make you any less of a person. I wish I knew the right thing to say to just cheer you up a little and make you realize this situation is nowhere near like that, it's not as bad and it won't get worse Other than that All i can say is I'm sorry for letting you down
fine..
:
god I don't know what's wrong with me right now..
Neither do I
I'm just so.. out of it... ow ow my eyes.. I'm so so so so emotional and out of it, soomething cracked and I don't know how what or why. I'm sorry I haven't been understanding at all, I'm just freaking
You don't have to apologize, I'm not upset with you or anything. I'm more worried, I don't like seeing you so upset...are you alright?
I don't know.. I dont' know why I have noo idea it's weird. I guesss... I'm just remembering stuff I haven't thought of for a long time just all the anger and saddness and stuff, it all came back.
I understand and it's probably best that you got it all out
why the hell.. only one kleenex in the box
-Tosses his sweatshirt over to Wshington for you- Blow your nose you tard
lol I think I'm feeling hopeless something
"Something" is right...
what is it..
You tell me -laughs- I'm not you
I'll try to sum it up.. let's see.. all my life I've been watching guys love bitches, no one ever loved me, no one talked to me, no one does still. and I was so upset, because I'm so nice to everyone. they use me they don't care. yet the ones who are mean everyone loves and it hurts so much to not be able to be mean, when people are mean to you
It proves you're a good person, you can laugh at that if you want to but it's true. If we act like them and treat them the same way, we are no better than them. It may be an out-moded saying but it's so very true. i mean...that's almost like revenge. Example I didn't want revenge on her, I didn't want to cuss her out or purposely attempt to make her cry. By doing this and letting her know "Okay we're friends but you will not get close to me again" i have not only let her know I will never forgive her but I have also satisfied my concious and made me feel reliefed. You don't realize it, she's won Nothing. Mean people never win, no matter what it seems like
yeah yeah.. I just found it so unfair, that the nice people hurt and forgive those who hurt them
It's part of being nice :P Nice isn't a euphamism for "REVENGE, KILL THEM!"
but no one likes me, I hate it, yet they follow the preppy pretty girls
Would you shut up
lol
Seriously....you talk on such a small scale
sorry I'm just upset and childish
You haven't even got out of your hole in the wall town. You're a wonderful fucking person Tanya, just stop it. Any guy would be lucky to be with you because you don't betray, you don't push, you listen, you talk, you help to understand, you don't confront for no reason, you're what this world needs to be like. Looks have nothing to do with anything, most people are blind and that's something we all have to live with. But if you're so upset with it why don't you just listen to the people like me who tell you these things? The people who think you look fine, who think you're an awesome person, listen to US and don't focus on what people who have no future have to say
lol
Of course, the answer I was expecting
it got to me because.. for three years, all I saw was this.. so I kinda lost any feeling that the world had anyone sane left.. I felt like the good will always be punished, the bad will always win. The unjust. And I feel like so little can see any good in me, so what point does it have? I'm only useful to a few
You want to know why it's useful? Because those few will grows into more and in the end we are the people who will be by your side through thick and thin. Everything that hurts you, we'll be there to help you no matter what. We'll help you every time you cry, shout, feel angry. Doesn't that mean anything?
it does. I just wonder, will they even stay. half of my really good friends from then faded away, the two I loved did too. the people I trust most, they just disappear. I dont' have a best friend anymore, she doesn't really talk to me it's just depressing
I understand because that has basically been my life But then I found Zach, the only guy friend I actually like to talk to. I consider him a good friend and even though he's a pessimistic dick, he cares about me and he helps me through anything. I found you, and slowly and slowly you're meaning more and more to me and I trust you with anything and everything. I have quite a bit of "friends" people who I talk to. But people like you and Zach, even though it's only 2 people, I know they'll be there and they make life worth living
heh
You just have to learn to live with the few that care rather than focus on the ones that don't and will end up leaving
ugh, everything about life is so overwhelming T__T
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