Storm's Over

Every happy day ends sad.. But every sad day ends happy.
It holds true.

It really hurt me that I upset him as much as I did, it hurt me more to know I hurt him then it did to know he wasn't coming.

I don't know who's messing up. Me or him. I think we both are when we do this. I'll mess up and I'll deserve the hurt I feel with stinging words from him being hurt, but after that he sees and is sorry for what he said as well.

It was much like that other night on the phone when I was crying my eyes out. I hurt him bad that day, even though it was so small. At that time I called him and he picked up, and listened to me crying on the other side for a good ten minutes before he got ahold of me and explained that I was forgiven and that it was okay.

This time I cried on my own, and his bluntness stung with my questions desperate for anything to comfort. "you've lost your privileges for sugar-coating"
I couldn't stand to blame anyone but him for it not working, and he was sick of being blamed. I threw out demanding questions of why he quit his job and how he could do this when we were so close to being together, and why it matters to stay in a hotel, etc.
He forgave me though, when we both cooled down. I said I still felt like shit even though he forgave me, so he asked if I wanted to call so we could talk before he went to bed. We did.
It always surprises me how he laughs and sounds the same even when I do bad shit and say things I shouldn't out of emotion.

Behind it all, however I upset him, he really hates to hurt me. I know because me crying seems to strangely melt any hostile-ness in his voice. No matter how mad he acts, he suddenly loses all will to argue. He does care.. Sometimes he forgets the feeling behind it and forgets what it feels like.. But he always eventually knows.

I was a bit sullen, still buzzing with thoughts on the phone, but eventually we were both laughing and smiling. As the night went on our words softened as did our voices, and suddenly I felt a lot more shy then I'm used to being. Especially when he said how beautiful I was. I laughed quietly. He asked why I sounded so shy and nervous, and I just chuckled and said "I'm just.. not used to hearing these things..." he replied, voice still soft, "I don't see why", which made me smile. By that I remember I think he meant, 'I don't see why you don't hear it more and why you're not used to hearing it, because it surprises me that people don't tell you all the time'. If I caught it right that is. But I think I did.
I got very shy..
Just how soft his voice was and how he'd ask things made me blush a bit.
I wanted to talk longer, but it was 1 Am and my mom caught me. She caught me very much by surprise, so I was relieved I didn't say anything weird. I had my eyes closed without realizing it, as I listened, only breaking our silences with a small giggle. She had earlier seen me on the phone, but she was up to tell me to go to bed. I quickly and quietly told him I had to go to bed.

The mood of blush shyness and calm still hasn't rubbed off, so I want to call him again today..