Times like these, I hate myself very much. I manage to hurt the people I love with my words, because I'm afraid, I'm selfish, and I'm a fool. I get so wrapped up in my emotions I forget how terrible, simply terrible I'm being and sounding. Just makes me want to crawl up and die, remove myself from these kind people I don't deserve.
I just want a pair of calming arms, a sane moment in my life. As it grows further, my hope for my life to be much more than suffering grows lower and lower. And with this I bite back tears, fail to do so, and then my mind screams, why.
Why can't a dream come true. Why can't it be easier. Why can't one hope be not proven false. Why can't my dreaming mind accept reality. I break down as the weight grows to be too much.
Apologies unaccepted. I could tell you I'm sorry but it means very little. My mind and my selfish stupidity is beyond understanding.
And as my brother stand behind me, now, I couldn't feel more upset and more like, I deserve nothing I ever have had.
I don't deserve him, I don't deserve love, I don't deserve a god damned thing.
Because I can't be happy with anything without selfishly asking for more, asking more than I should of someone.
Please leave me, please leave me, I can't live knowing I hurt you.
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