Today Kinda Sucked

Mmhm. It did.

First thing in the morning I had math. I woke late so I did all my studying at school.. Got to school early so I had some time. But of course the final is reviewing all the things I found confusing.. The little substitution and solving equations crap that I get confused in...
So my head was buzzy upon starting the test and I ended up going slow so I was the very last person to turn in my test. Even though it was multiple choice. Even then there were some questions I simply guessed on because I didn't know how. Upon turning in the test the teacher asked "are you alright with everything? You seemed nervous this morning" and I replied "yeah.. I'm just a bit flakey on all this".

The next period I had normal class, and it was biology. We played Jeopardy the entire period.
I'm socially anxious therefore those little competitive classroom games = hell. I hate being put on the spot and being responsible for bringing my team down. Course there was no way to get out of it. We take turns being responsible for raising the card (the 'buzzer') and answering the question. Every time it was my turn I hoped to get a hard question so I would have a good excuse to not answer, as that I didn't know.
At first I was relieved, because I was in a group of people who didn't study, so they knew no better than I. But I soon found I had one competitive person whom winning was important to. So every time it was my turn he'd tell me to 'raise it raise it', and when I didn't because I couldn't answer the question, he'd get annoyed at me. "I knew the answer!! Why didn't you raise it??" The few times I did raise it and didn't know, he'd whisper random answers and I felt dumb stuttering between ten and twenty-two. The 'buzzer' rotated between four, so I had temporary relief, but not for long. By the third or so time of me raising to too late, he went "TANYA!! What did I tell you? Gah!" loud enough to turn heads in the temporary silence. I tried to just laugh it off but I was embarrassed and terribly stressed.

The next period was less of a burden, my Language Arts final. Only trouble is, I think I got a C. He graded us on the notebooks alone we kept throughout the semester, and I think he took down points for me having a makeshift folder in it instead of one that was already built in. "Didn't believe me at the beginning of the year huh?" "I couldn't find one with folders"
Teacher made fun of me and I shrugged. Sarcasm of how living in a small town it's hard to find a store with those kind of notebooks. It's not my fault.. We looked and looked and no one seemed to have any two section notebook with built in folders.

Some days ago he said that I was raised by wolves, holding my pencil that way.

So today sucked. I feel screwed.
Because the finals to come, harder, no easier.
And the only year I want good grades- I can't get them. The only year I need to get good grades... Damn. I want to get into the college..

I get all A's every year but THIS year. It pisses me off.
The only year I need it!

I'm dreading tomorrow. Tomorrow I have to run for a final, all the way around Green Lake, and then I have to write an essay on some historical thing from memory. God. Help me.

And then on the last day, biology and Japanese, the two hardest of all. How the hell do I study for Japanese.... I could hardly understand the page she gave us as a freebie.

I'm so very much dreading all this...