Who would ever think it could get this far?
Who could ever think that a year of love could turn to this?
A year and I've bet my heart it's going to work. Ring, marriage.. I've bet my life at 16.
And by my character, is it so unusual? I've been looking for sir prince charming since age 10. Six years later, booya. Found him.
He ain't as I pictured, no no. But god, has he got the charm. Those words and I melt like the day he said yes.
And like the good fiancé he is, he's coming. Coming to stay. No more goodbyes...
How many goodbyes so far? He said goodbye before we even met and I still have trouble forgiving him for that. "Fuck! He does this just before Valentine's day! But don't all guys do that?"
I remember what I did that day.
I went down to University Village and tried to cuss it off, in a way. Went with my mom, and shared my greif. My frustration. I was stubborn, I was in denial. Irony was, a guy flirted with me that day, but it was the first time it ever happened. I was almost saying in my head 'ha, see, I can get guys, take that' but nothing would really take away the lonliness I felt that day. I felt like he was breaking up with me that day. I felt he couldn't take it, so that was that. Gone. "Why did he have to do it before Valentine's Day? Before my birthday..?" was in tears.
He didn't last long though. Long enough to scare me, but not long enough to leave me empty.
I removed his picture that day. I was trying to be open to dating people, I was trying to pretend I was open. Course I didn't want to date anyone.
I emailed him, even though I wasn't supposed to. His response was short and poetic. It was tantalizing and painful.
Like all our goodbyes though, it was only temporary.
That was our first goodbye. The rest were from visits, plane rides back and forth.
Second was April... Then I visited... Then he visited for three weeks.. And he visited again recently. Were those all the times? It's amazing how you forget.
Five goodbyes. Sixth in January.
But after that... no more.
The last goodbye was the hardest. Tears on both ends. It never felt so hard to let go before. The drive was bittersweet. I pretended we were just going for a drive, but I let it sink in as we drew closer. We listened to our songs. That helped but didn't. Emotional, to say the least. Held him tight the whole ride. At the airport we stopped in front of the security entrance, I coudn't just say goodbye and let him go. Hug after hug and we finally tore apart and said goodbye. I couldn't walk off, so I stood aimlessly, watching him. Cried a lot. Hurts even to think about.
September 11th 2006 is a funny day for such a wonderful thing to happen. He proposed.
We bought the ring together. The jewler advised a stronger jem, but I like topaz too much to care if it wears out. I figure, with a laugh, that would just give him a chance to propose to me again.
He likes to do it over and over again. He has once in person, but he asks me every now and then.
He says he's going to propose to me again in his living room, in front of the Christmas tree.
That will be a warm and happy time.
But right now I feel cold and nostolgic. Never a good thing.
