Sometimes I get scared that I don't have the capability to be happy. Nah, I know I do. I'm just bummed out right now. I'm scared that I'll be like this a lot. And I don't like being depressed. I miss you.
My back hurts because I haven't left this chair for hours. I can't sleep so I was endlessly looking at yahoo answers and answering them, while also trying to download the episode of grey's anatomy that I missed. I got the episode, but the last minute of the episode is muted for some reason! So that part remains a mystery, which makes me sad. Because usually the ends have a twist. I wonder how I can find out what it is? The episode was Losing My Mind, episode 15 of season 4. I write that here so I'll remember to look if I ever have the time.
I'm having a lot of stress right now. I should be excited but I'm just anxious anxious anxious and having Wess at work doesn't help. I don't want to miss graduation but I'm so anxious about the whole rehearsal and so forth because what if I can't make it to that? Should I still go? What do I do? I want to be there for Amanda and just in case I would regret it in the future.
I feel SOOOO overwhelmed right now. And I have no moral support or 'go at it!!' cheering from Wess because he's at work. :( So I find myself lazing around all day waiting for him, being glum and not doing much of anything. I stay up all night and like now, I'm not eating when I get hungry or using the bathroom when I kind of need to. In other words I'm just really bummed out all day and night and am not getting any sleep or being productive.
I think packing and such has become one of those projects I'm afraid to start. I'm afraid to start trying to find all the stuff on the computer I want to burn onto CDs. Because I feel like it'll never be over! And I don't know what to pack and feel afraid to pack too much because my parents are paying for it.
I just don't know where to start. What to do.. And how to be happy while I do it.
I miss Wess. It's frustrating.. I'm nervous...
I need to get my ass off the computer and get ready. Just I'm having so much trouble doing that, for some reason. I think it's because I feel like I have so much I need to do here, when in reality that's hardly true. Bleh.
