But after I cry inside a little about it, I will try to forget, until she can forgive. Or forget until it stops hurting. And accept when she decides she never will. And then mourn the loss over that friend I had that was so kind and wonderful, who somehow changed. Or try not to mourn at all, in hopes that she will come back.
All my life I didn't have anyone else who cared about my life.
How could she? Why would she decide that I am bad for her life?

So from now on, until I have to mourn something else, I will try to move back to the immense happiness I have been given and fate has lead me to this month. A chance to make more of my dreams come true. Please don't let my friend's cruelty ruin that for me. I feel like it could if I was reminded each day.

So I will stop thinking about it until I have to. I won't ever forget but I must leave her to decide on her own. But I wanted to say one more thing... Maybe before the end, before a longer time goes by, I will. And after that I must let go.

So help me enjoy what fate has given me despite what fate has taken away.

Ending

I dislike how when happy things happen there are always sad things to ruin the fun. For instance..

The brand new pirate flag I bought him yesterday suddenly has a black stain on the skull. That won't wash out. Don't know where it came from. That was a surprise gift for Wess.
And then a collectible pin you can only get working at Disneyland fell off my purse. I can't find it.

And of course... my former best friend just cussed out my husband online. And made it clear that she never, ever, will care about me again. Over one argument! I have been friends with her for 8 years. I don't know what kind of monster she has become. She expected me to argue with her for 4 days on my vacation. And ended the friendship when I refused to answer her message until the next day, because I was having a fight.
Selfish.
He has the right to call you self-absorbed when you have been.

I was giving more attention to my love than my best friend. That is a reason to throw me out of your life forever.
I can't know what it could be. I'm just not the right kind of perfect for her. She has high standards now... Who does that?

You may have given me an explanation for leaving. But that doesn't make it better. Especially since that reason makes no sense.

And that day..
Weston was only trying to tell you the simple fact that I moved safely. He didn't realize your heart had turned so cold to me that you would never want to hear my name again. Because most people would not. Unless I had done something a lot more horrible than questioning your friendship or what you tell me, and losing my patience. I even apologized, as angry as I was. I will not apologize again, for anything else you seem to think I have done. Because one apology is enough. If you were ever my friend, you owe me an apology for hurting me so badly. By never speaking to me again. I would never do that to you, because I care enough about you to want to be your friend still despite how you have treated me. Not badly but not well. But like a "brick wall". Calling you a brick wall is abusive. It's a name, a label. I don't know what complex you have. I don't know how you became this way. I wish I could help or at least stay, but you have pushed me away.

You could have decided to slowly let go of me. Distance away. And when I emailed, just someday never respond. If you really just didn't want to be my friend anymore to begin with. If you hated my distance, my shyness. But why do it that way?

I don't know who she is anymore. She was probably the one who asked how I can orbit my whole life around one person and think it's ok. Or for all I know the one who ripped my letters off of my lockers, or created a page to harass me and tell me how stupid I looked and how no one likes me and I am alone. I don't know who she is anymore. I don't want to think she has turned into that, but what proof has been shown otherwise? Am I the one who was just too demanding for her personality?

You probably broke your birthday/xmas gift in half. The one I made specially for you. Your name. and rose. And golden girl. And the frame custom made for it. How could you think I am a terrible person? Even if you have become one I would never completely feel you are. But I don't know what to feel about this. Were you planning to do this all along? Asking me to not send a gift.
You hurt me like a bad ex. Because you were more than a temporary boyfriend or short love. You were and are still hanging onto my best friend title. Because I don't have anyone else who wants to be that close of a friend with me. Because I never sent the emails to them that I sent you. Or told them the secrets I told you.

I don't know how I'm going to get over this. Some people don't really understand. She sure doesn't. It was so easy for her to throw me away. Wasn't that how you felt about the s-girl? The one who left your seemingly perfect friendship? It hurt so bad for you but it was so easy for her. So you are the same.
And instead of throwing me away for a good reason, you threw me away for the reason she threw you away. You can never be pleased. Nothing is ever enough. Nothing is ever said right enough to fix anything.
But I would have stayed despite that. Until you felt better. Until your sickness you talk about went away.

So I don't know what to do. I don't want to ever forgive her for what she did. But I wish she would snap out of it, wake up, and realize who I am and understand. And how much I care about her, despite not being the perfect friend. I wish she would just turn back into the person I knew maybe 2 years ago...
The person I could come to about anything, and tell about my problems. The person who would not snap at the smallest word.

I wish she would wake up 3 months from now, and feel better from all that plagues her life, and realize what she did to her best friend. And despite having her reasons, why it was wrong. And forgive me. And apologize...

But I know she never will.