I swear Wess' friends will be the death of him.
On his own he has enough on his mind and enough to bother him.
Last night at 11 PM my time and 2 AM his time, Rebekka's boyfriend broke up with her and she went into a near-suicide state.
So far he's dealt with 5 suicide threats from friends.
I know it's 'cruel' and 'mean' of me to act annoyed at people who need help, acting like he should turn them away or something.... But WHY Wess? For god's sake. Can they not see he's not doing the best himself? They have to put it all onto him? Do they have to stress him out more than he is already, give him the obligation to be their constant source of advice and help?
It just makes me sad knowing the pressure he goes through and having this shit added to it. I want him to be at peace for just a day or two and his friends create an endless drama in his life, to the point of him not wanting to wake the next day, wondering what will happen next.
Pisses me off quite honestly.
Leave him the hell alone, would you? Would you do him a favor back sometime??!
Maybe if it made him feel good to help people I wouldn't be so distraught. But the thing is, he feels like shit either way, and it doesn't help in the least.
I haven't spoken to him all day. He was up all night, and he gave up on trying to stay awake all today...
I'm just sick of it, you know? I'm not sick of his sleep patterns, I'm not sick of him, I'm sick of them and the endless things that they push his way. Just all the unnecessary stress they put on him.
I want Wess to be happy. And all of it makes him unhappy. Therefore, go to hell, or find someone else to whine to all day.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Sunday, April 23, 2006
B-l-e-h
I must say, I feel like shit.
So much for weekend rejuvenation.
Saturday night fight.
Sunday afternoon- he has the last word, signs off
Sunday afternoon- I summon sir guardian angel to help me + tears
Sunday evening- I get the last word, sign off. He calls. Talk. Hang up on him. Calls again. Pick up and hang up.
Sunday evening- IM again. I call. More tears, but not mine. Forgiveness.
and now, Sunday evening gloom.
What a fun weekend. -__-
If you don't come back I'm going to go nuts, ya hear?
Could you come back to me?
You know.. the almost happy go lucky, the sarcastic but sweet smartass I remember.
Either that or make summer come sooner so I can smile with you again..
Mom's banning me from the computer because I'm not going downstairs and it's not even my bed time.
What the fuck.
Anyways, hope your weekend was better than mine.
So much for weekend rejuvenation.
Saturday night fight.
Sunday afternoon- he has the last word, signs off
Sunday afternoon- I summon sir guardian angel to help me + tears
Sunday evening- I get the last word, sign off. He calls. Talk. Hang up on him. Calls again. Pick up and hang up.
Sunday evening- IM again. I call. More tears, but not mine. Forgiveness.
and now, Sunday evening gloom.
What a fun weekend. -__-
If you don't come back I'm going to go nuts, ya hear?
Could you come back to me?
You know.. the almost happy go lucky, the sarcastic but sweet smartass I remember.
Either that or make summer come sooner so I can smile with you again..
Mom's banning me from the computer because I'm not going downstairs and it's not even my bed time.
What the fuck.
Anyways, hope your weekend was better than mine.
Help
save me when all falls apart
save me when I break my own heart
save me when I can't do anything more
than feel blindly with my hands
angel save me
----
Joey please help me. Please help me. Please help me please help me....
Falling apart.
Falling apart.
Joey you did it before. Can you again, when it's even more complicated.....
You asked me then..
You asked me yesterday, before the fight...
"Are you okay?"
You knew it was going to happen.
He got like this when he left me.. He got depressed.. He stopped talking..
A week and a half and I thought he could be gone.
He said he needed to get away from it all......
Wess, are you going to leave me again?
Clear your head while mine overflows.
Will you blame me for sending him to speak to you... When I believe all I can do now is hurt you.
No matter how I try, to write peace for the wrongs that I.. have done to you, I'll always fail..
I'll climb the mountains high, I'll fly the darkest skies, to see the fires that I let burn....
And losing you was everything, I'll smooth out over everything, try to find the words to sing, smooth out over everything. I've seen the pains that love can bring, to smooth out over everything.. I lost my heart again, I crossed my heart again..
And dreams of you surround, my waking hours I've found, they comfort me when you're gone....
I'd sail the blackest seas, through storms and oceans deep, to see the fires that I let burn.
And losing you was everything, I'll smooth out over everything. I'll try to find the words to sing, to smooth out over everything. I've seen the pains that love can bring, smooth out over everything..
I cross my heart again.. I cross my heart again...
-Cross My Heart, Yum Yum
....
save me when I break my own heart
save me when I can't do anything more
than feel blindly with my hands
angel save me
----
Joey please help me. Please help me. Please help me please help me....
Falling apart.
Falling apart.
Joey you did it before. Can you again, when it's even more complicated.....
You asked me then..
You asked me yesterday, before the fight...
"Are you okay?"
You knew it was going to happen.
He got like this when he left me.. He got depressed.. He stopped talking..
A week and a half and I thought he could be gone.
He said he needed to get away from it all......
Wess, are you going to leave me again?
Clear your head while mine overflows.
Will you blame me for sending him to speak to you... When I believe all I can do now is hurt you.
No matter how I try, to write peace for the wrongs that I.. have done to you, I'll always fail..
I'll climb the mountains high, I'll fly the darkest skies, to see the fires that I let burn....
And losing you was everything, I'll smooth out over everything, try to find the words to sing, smooth out over everything. I've seen the pains that love can bring, to smooth out over everything.. I lost my heart again, I crossed my heart again..
And dreams of you surround, my waking hours I've found, they comfort me when you're gone....
I'd sail the blackest seas, through storms and oceans deep, to see the fires that I let burn.
And losing you was everything, I'll smooth out over everything. I'll try to find the words to sing, to smooth out over everything. I've seen the pains that love can bring, smooth out over everything..
I cross my heart again.. I cross my heart again...
-Cross My Heart, Yum Yum
....
Thursday, April 20, 2006
April 13th and the Best Week Of My Life
I feel I owe at least some of the story to you. I'll shorten it, but tell nearly all.
My boyfriend of 4 months. My family referred to it as a not-so-blind date. A boyfriend I'd only seen pictures of, talked to, but had never been in presence with. We got together, became boyfriend girlfriend, internet relationship, on December 5th, 2005, and are still together now.
I had a brief fight with him when he told me he couldn't visit during spring break. I wasn't so much upset that he quit the job (which sucked ass anyway), but that if he tried he truly could come. He wasn't old enough to stay in a hotel, and was uncomfortable staying at my house. This was upsetting because I'd do anything to be able to see him, and that includes being uncomfortable with a family I didn't know.. But I eventually came to terms with it, and let it go, waiting for summer to come so I could see him for the first time.
Ends up about a week later, he changed his mind. He didn't tell me this. He talked to my parents and arranged for him to come visit around April 11th as a surprise.
Mom was running a long errand and I thought nothing of it.. She called me downstairs, and I wondered what she wanted. "Okaay, I'm coming" I shouted down the stairs, and I slid from my chair and plunked down the steps...
She wasn't in the kitchen, so I headed to the living room.. In the doorway, my eyes fell upon someone standing in front of the front door, and I quickly recognized him and stopped dead in my tracks. I just stared for a moment, and then made my way through the living room, to where he stood, where I said "Oh my god.... ... This... How..?" aloud.
I gave him a big hug and he returned my embrace.
"Well this is how she looks in her everyday state" Mom said, pointing to my lazy clothes. I chuckled and wished I had worn something more presentable, still hugging him tight.
He sat down on a couch, petting Cocoa which was a strange sight.
He was wearing his black trench coat that I had seen a bit in pictures, and that he had told me about, and his jeans.
We went out on our first date. We walked down to one of my favorite restaurants, China Village. There I quietly stared at him and he laughed and asked if I was alright as he drank an incredible amount of water. I chuckled and nodded, slowly eating, distracted by the shock I was still going through and my nervousness. I sipped my water, and nearly choked on it when his foot grazed mine under the table. I grinned at him and shook my head.
Wess can down a lot of water, and he was on about his 4th glass when he asked for them to just give him a pitcher. While he was on his 3rd, I was still sipping my first.
We laughed quietly and he commented on how my eyes wandered all over as I said nothing. I said to him "Shy, yeah right.. You're talking with no effort and I'm dead silent" He told me that he knew and it was odd because usually he was silent too, but he felt strangely comfortable with me so he wasn't experiencing any shyness. I smiled at that. Before we had ordered I held his hand across the table.
We finished quickly because my appetite was wavering with my nervousness. He had also lost most of his appetite, although he hadn't eaten all day. I was surprised at how little he ate.
When we were done, I called mom on his cellphone and said we were done. We went outside and walked towards the parking lot, looking for a place to wait. I saw an odd little wood staircase that was along a short wall in the parking lot below the fence. A strange little moveable staircase leading to nowhere in particular, chipped white.
We walked towards it and I sat down on the second step, but stood up again pointing to the small spider on cobwebs along the side. He flicked it off for me and sat down, and sat on the left of him, and cuddled up with him. He took my hands in his, leaning his head against me. His hands were larger than mine, and his skin was rough in comparison. Yet at the same time his hands were soft as I squeezed them, mine more thin and bony.
We murmured words and I expressed my disbelief at him finally being with me, at the moment and night being real and not just a dream. He whispered "I'm here, I promise it's real"
I saw the car pull up in the parking lot and saw them before they saw us. I got up and waved, and we walked hand in hand in the car. We were still hand in hand as they drove us back.
.. I'll continue the story later, it's getting a bit late. There'll be a part two. That's only the first half of the first day.
My boyfriend of 4 months. My family referred to it as a not-so-blind date. A boyfriend I'd only seen pictures of, talked to, but had never been in presence with. We got together, became boyfriend girlfriend, internet relationship, on December 5th, 2005, and are still together now.
I had a brief fight with him when he told me he couldn't visit during spring break. I wasn't so much upset that he quit the job (which sucked ass anyway), but that if he tried he truly could come. He wasn't old enough to stay in a hotel, and was uncomfortable staying at my house. This was upsetting because I'd do anything to be able to see him, and that includes being uncomfortable with a family I didn't know.. But I eventually came to terms with it, and let it go, waiting for summer to come so I could see him for the first time.
Ends up about a week later, he changed his mind. He didn't tell me this. He talked to my parents and arranged for him to come visit around April 11th as a surprise.
Mom was running a long errand and I thought nothing of it.. She called me downstairs, and I wondered what she wanted. "Okaay, I'm coming" I shouted down the stairs, and I slid from my chair and plunked down the steps...
She wasn't in the kitchen, so I headed to the living room.. In the doorway, my eyes fell upon someone standing in front of the front door, and I quickly recognized him and stopped dead in my tracks. I just stared for a moment, and then made my way through the living room, to where he stood, where I said "Oh my god.... ... This... How..?" aloud.
I gave him a big hug and he returned my embrace.
"Well this is how she looks in her everyday state" Mom said, pointing to my lazy clothes. I chuckled and wished I had worn something more presentable, still hugging him tight.
He sat down on a couch, petting Cocoa which was a strange sight.
He was wearing his black trench coat that I had seen a bit in pictures, and that he had told me about, and his jeans.
We went out on our first date. We walked down to one of my favorite restaurants, China Village. There I quietly stared at him and he laughed and asked if I was alright as he drank an incredible amount of water. I chuckled and nodded, slowly eating, distracted by the shock I was still going through and my nervousness. I sipped my water, and nearly choked on it when his foot grazed mine under the table. I grinned at him and shook my head.
Wess can down a lot of water, and he was on about his 4th glass when he asked for them to just give him a pitcher. While he was on his 3rd, I was still sipping my first.
We laughed quietly and he commented on how my eyes wandered all over as I said nothing. I said to him "Shy, yeah right.. You're talking with no effort and I'm dead silent" He told me that he knew and it was odd because usually he was silent too, but he felt strangely comfortable with me so he wasn't experiencing any shyness. I smiled at that. Before we had ordered I held his hand across the table.
We finished quickly because my appetite was wavering with my nervousness. He had also lost most of his appetite, although he hadn't eaten all day. I was surprised at how little he ate.
When we were done, I called mom on his cellphone and said we were done. We went outside and walked towards the parking lot, looking for a place to wait. I saw an odd little wood staircase that was along a short wall in the parking lot below the fence. A strange little moveable staircase leading to nowhere in particular, chipped white.
We walked towards it and I sat down on the second step, but stood up again pointing to the small spider on cobwebs along the side. He flicked it off for me and sat down, and sat on the left of him, and cuddled up with him. He took my hands in his, leaning his head against me. His hands were larger than mine, and his skin was rough in comparison. Yet at the same time his hands were soft as I squeezed them, mine more thin and bony.
We murmured words and I expressed my disbelief at him finally being with me, at the moment and night being real and not just a dream. He whispered "I'm here, I promise it's real"
I saw the car pull up in the parking lot and saw them before they saw us. I got up and waved, and we walked hand in hand in the car. We were still hand in hand as they drove us back.
.. I'll continue the story later, it's getting a bit late. There'll be a part two. That's only the first half of the first day.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Lmao, how embarrassing. o__o
Hahahhaha!!!!
Okay, let me tell you a stooory.
Our phonebill came yesterday. For some reason that we all didn't understand, it had constant, CONSTANT calls to Longbeach California. I was like 'wtf, I don't know anyone from there..', nor did any of us. We didn't get it and tried to figure it out. "When were the calls made?" "Well, there are some on the weekend, a lot during the week.." "Well that doesn't make much sense... If it was me, I wouldn't be calling during school...."
Just this morning it occurred to me.
'oh shit.. you must be kidding..'
We actually called the company to try to figure out what the hell was up with the phonebill.... The lady said she hadn't seen anything like it in ten years.
When mom told me this morning that they said it's untrackable, a cellphone, and when I recognized the last four numbers of the telephone number... and that when you call, music plays.... I went 'oooh shit, you're kidding?!'
"Call the number again" I said to her, and she handed me the phone.
I turn bright red.
Wess' cellphone.
-----
Now let me show you the phonebill... Thing is, I've made sure that Wess calls me too most of the time, so my parents won't kill me for calling him so much long-distance.
My mom will never, ever, stop teasing me about this one........
"hahhaaha, I have a teenager!! And she said she hadn't seen anything like it in TEN years, *continues laughing*"
"oh shut up.... -__-;;;; Maaan.. it was over a good month.. it adds up, "
"You've gotta save that phonebill Tanya, you'll look back on it and laugh"
"Yeah... my first boyfriend.. and how obsessed I was..."
Okay okay I'll show you it..... ......
The calls start on February 12th.....
Time to list.
Feb. 12- 2:58 PM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 13- 10:31 AM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 13- 2:08 PM. Call. 117 minutes.
Feb. 14- 3:11 PM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 14- 4:52 PM. Call. 29 minutes.
Feb. 14- 7:43 PM. Message machine. 3 minutes
Feb. 15- 3:03 PM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 15- 4:26 PM. Hang up. 1 minute
Feb. 15- 4:32 PM. Hang up. 1 minute
Feb. 15- 4:51 PM. Hang up. 1 minute
Feb. 15- 5:24 PM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 15- 7:15 PM. Hang up. 1 minute
Feb. 16- 7:02 AM. (too lazy to fill out, I'll only show real calls)
Feb. 16- 3:01 PM.
Feb. 16- 7:58 PM.
Feb. 16- 8:03 PM.
Feb. 18- 12:07 AM.
Feb. 18- 11:03 AM. 45 minutes.
Feb. 19- 6:43 PM.
Feb. 19- 8:29 PM.
Feb. 19- 9:53 PM.
Feb. 20- 5:49 PM.
Feb. 20- 5:58 PM.
Feb. 20- 6:03 PM.
Feb. 20- 6:04 PM.
Feb. 20- 6:14 PM.
Feb. 20- 6:35 PM. 15 minutes.
Feb. 20- 6:51 PM. 16 minutes.
Feb. 20- 7:08 PM.
Feb. 22- 4:01 PM.
Feb. 22- 8:16 PM.
Feb. 22- 11:37 PM.
Feb. 23- 12:21 AM.
Feb. 23- 12:25 PM.
Feb. 23- 12:26 PM.
Feb. 23- 12:27 PM.
Feb. 23- 11:44 PM.
... continues.
I made 65 calls to Wess' cellphone between February 12th and March 9th.
Hahahaha...
Oh god. XD
Why I didn't recognize Wess' number immediately when I saw it on the bill was, I haven't called his cell in a long time. Why? Because in South Carolina, there's no signal. So he can't answer it.
*laughs and shakes head slowly*
I blame Wess for never answering his phone. I have to call like three times to get him to answer it. Which is why I called so many damned times for only 1 minute.
But this is so funny... So I'm calling Wess to tell him the story... Hahaha.
Go me.
He's the only person I call. I don't call anyone else, ever. Pity it's longdistance.
Okay, let me tell you a stooory.
Our phonebill came yesterday. For some reason that we all didn't understand, it had constant, CONSTANT calls to Longbeach California. I was like 'wtf, I don't know anyone from there..', nor did any of us. We didn't get it and tried to figure it out. "When were the calls made?" "Well, there are some on the weekend, a lot during the week.." "Well that doesn't make much sense... If it was me, I wouldn't be calling during school...."
Just this morning it occurred to me.
'oh shit.. you must be kidding..'
We actually called the company to try to figure out what the hell was up with the phonebill.... The lady said she hadn't seen anything like it in ten years.
When mom told me this morning that they said it's untrackable, a cellphone, and when I recognized the last four numbers of the telephone number... and that when you call, music plays.... I went 'oooh shit, you're kidding?!'
"Call the number again" I said to her, and she handed me the phone.
I turn bright red.
Wess' cellphone.
-----
Now let me show you the phonebill... Thing is, I've made sure that Wess calls me too most of the time, so my parents won't kill me for calling him so much long-distance.
My mom will never, ever, stop teasing me about this one........
"hahhaaha, I have a teenager!! And she said she hadn't seen anything like it in TEN years, *continues laughing*"
"oh shut up.... -__-;;;; Maaan.. it was over a good month.. it adds up, "
"You've gotta save that phonebill Tanya, you'll look back on it and laugh"
"Yeah... my first boyfriend.. and how obsessed I was..."
Okay okay I'll show you it..... ......
The calls start on February 12th.....
Time to list.
Feb. 12- 2:58 PM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 13- 10:31 AM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 13- 2:08 PM. Call. 117 minutes.
Feb. 14- 3:11 PM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 14- 4:52 PM. Call. 29 minutes.
Feb. 14- 7:43 PM. Message machine. 3 minutes
Feb. 15- 3:03 PM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 15- 4:26 PM. Hang up. 1 minute
Feb. 15- 4:32 PM. Hang up. 1 minute
Feb. 15- 4:51 PM. Hang up. 1 minute
Feb. 15- 5:24 PM. Message machine. 2 minutes
Feb. 15- 7:15 PM. Hang up. 1 minute
Feb. 16- 7:02 AM. (too lazy to fill out, I'll only show real calls)
Feb. 16- 3:01 PM.
Feb. 16- 7:58 PM.
Feb. 16- 8:03 PM.
Feb. 18- 12:07 AM.
Feb. 18- 11:03 AM. 45 minutes.
Feb. 19- 6:43 PM.
Feb. 19- 8:29 PM.
Feb. 19- 9:53 PM.
Feb. 20- 5:49 PM.
Feb. 20- 5:58 PM.
Feb. 20- 6:03 PM.
Feb. 20- 6:04 PM.
Feb. 20- 6:14 PM.
Feb. 20- 6:35 PM. 15 minutes.
Feb. 20- 6:51 PM. 16 minutes.
Feb. 20- 7:08 PM.
Feb. 22- 4:01 PM.
Feb. 22- 8:16 PM.
Feb. 22- 11:37 PM.
Feb. 23- 12:21 AM.
Feb. 23- 12:25 PM.
Feb. 23- 12:26 PM.
Feb. 23- 12:27 PM.
Feb. 23- 11:44 PM.
... continues.
I made 65 calls to Wess' cellphone between February 12th and March 9th.
Hahahaha...
Oh god. XD
Why I didn't recognize Wess' number immediately when I saw it on the bill was, I haven't called his cell in a long time. Why? Because in South Carolina, there's no signal. So he can't answer it.
*laughs and shakes head slowly*
I blame Wess for never answering his phone. I have to call like three times to get him to answer it. Which is why I called so many damned times for only 1 minute.
But this is so funny... So I'm calling Wess to tell him the story... Hahaha.
Go me.
He's the only person I call. I don't call anyone else, ever. Pity it's longdistance.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Written on Mypsace, yesterday
Hello.
Who are you? Why are you here?
Comment because you can, whether I know you are not.
Why did you join myspace? Are you of the extreme mass who hoped to meet hot guys/chicks with big dicks/tits? Oh hahaha that sorta rhymes. Sorry to be brutally blunt.
Were you pushed into it by your myspacian friends?
Or did you join so you could be a bit more in contact with everyone?
I'll shut up with the questions. But I wouldn't mind them answered.
My poor kitty. She's just laying there, she looks sort of dozed or bored.. She's waiting for me to go to bed... I'm bad at doing my homework. I should I should. But I get so restless with my thoughts and inspiration... And I just met another guy from India, randomly. And I talked to Harmony for the first time in five months.
I make a small sound in regard to my cat, and she gives me her wide-eyed look, wanting me to stand up so she can run down the stairs in front of me, to my room.. She lays on her side now, looking adorable..... hehe.
I wanted to lay in the driveway with him, and listen to him talk of how beautiful the cosmos are, and tell me about movies and hum songs from Nightmare Before Christmas.
We'd cuddle and look at the stars and smile..
You have no idea how much I want to..
Little moments. I would do a lot for those little things. Just the feeling of his hands in mine and his smile when he saw me. His bear hugs. His laugh. Want it terribly.
Two months..? Three..? Three... Or four..
Oh I wish I could know..
But I suppose then life would feel like an eternal countdown. So maybe it's best unknown. But I still wish I knew everything would work out in the way that eventually we'd successfully arrange a day for him to come here..
When I think of love in general, I think of the romance scenes in movies, the very strong and dramatic feeling that brings two people so close. I think of that, and then think of Wess, and think to myself.... He really feels that for me...?
I can't see that, haha.
But I know he loves me. 'with all his heart'..?
Such is unabsorbable. I can't absorb any of this till I know it as I see it. See it to believe it...
I can't see us as a real couple.. I can't see this as truly real.. Well.. I mean...... It doesn't sink in. Yes I see us as a couple and yes I get it, but I don't get it, haha. It's hard to explain. It's like saying 'yes yes I understand' and nodding your head, but not understanding the inner meaning of it all. Getting only the big picture, and not seeing what's really underneath.
I don't know love. I never have. I mean.. I don't know what being loved is.. It's just new to me...
I don't know affection.. Maybe that's what I mean.
When he holds me and when I can see him and feel him and hear every word right there for myself and know from it all that he really means it.. Then I'll know. Then I'll understand truly.
Who are you? Why are you here?
Comment because you can, whether I know you are not.
Why did you join myspace? Are you of the extreme mass who hoped to meet hot guys/chicks with big dicks/tits? Oh hahaha that sorta rhymes. Sorry to be brutally blunt.
Were you pushed into it by your myspacian friends?
Or did you join so you could be a bit more in contact with everyone?
I'll shut up with the questions. But I wouldn't mind them answered.
My poor kitty. She's just laying there, she looks sort of dozed or bored.. She's waiting for me to go to bed... I'm bad at doing my homework. I should I should. But I get so restless with my thoughts and inspiration... And I just met another guy from India, randomly. And I talked to Harmony for the first time in five months.
I make a small sound in regard to my cat, and she gives me her wide-eyed look, wanting me to stand up so she can run down the stairs in front of me, to my room.. She lays on her side now, looking adorable..... hehe.
I wanted to lay in the driveway with him, and listen to him talk of how beautiful the cosmos are, and tell me about movies and hum songs from Nightmare Before Christmas.
We'd cuddle and look at the stars and smile..
You have no idea how much I want to..
Little moments. I would do a lot for those little things. Just the feeling of his hands in mine and his smile when he saw me. His bear hugs. His laugh. Want it terribly.
Two months..? Three..? Three... Or four..
Oh I wish I could know..
But I suppose then life would feel like an eternal countdown. So maybe it's best unknown. But I still wish I knew everything would work out in the way that eventually we'd successfully arrange a day for him to come here..
When I think of love in general, I think of the romance scenes in movies, the very strong and dramatic feeling that brings two people so close. I think of that, and then think of Wess, and think to myself.... He really feels that for me...?
I can't see that, haha.
But I know he loves me. 'with all his heart'..?
Such is unabsorbable. I can't absorb any of this till I know it as I see it. See it to believe it...
I can't see us as a real couple.. I can't see this as truly real.. Well.. I mean...... It doesn't sink in. Yes I see us as a couple and yes I get it, but I don't get it, haha. It's hard to explain. It's like saying 'yes yes I understand' and nodding your head, but not understanding the inner meaning of it all. Getting only the big picture, and not seeing what's really underneath.
I don't know love. I never have. I mean.. I don't know what being loved is.. It's just new to me...
I don't know affection.. Maybe that's what I mean.
When he holds me and when I can see him and feel him and hear every word right there for myself and know from it all that he really means it.. Then I'll know. Then I'll understand truly.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I now have a larger tendency to post on our blog instead of my own. But I guess it's just because lately I just feel like talking to him, or my thoughts deal with him. I haven't really had many other deep thoughts on anything. I'm really tired.
again, adorkably-yours.blogspot.com
Gah I just want to lay down and sleep.. I wonder why I'm so tired today..
again, adorkably-yours.blogspot.com
Gah I just want to lay down and sleep.. I wonder why I'm so tired today..
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Packrat
My dad's silly....
He says in frustration 'there's no place to put anything in this house! There's just so much crap!' .... The thing he forgets is, all the crap is his.
I mean, seriously.. I found a broken paper-cutter up here that he never got rid of, and a huge stack of really, really, really ugly paper for the printer. I mean seriously, when are we going to print something on dirty brown or neon pink paper?
He claimed that we 'could' use it so we shouldn't get rid of it. Christ. If we need paper, we can buy some. We don't need to stash ugly paper up here with the rest of our overloaded upstairs.
Yet he had SUCH a hard time getting rid of them. He said "why are these down here" and I said nothing.
Now he sighs quite audibly as he tries to clean up his mess.
I asked him to get rid of some of it but whatever shitty completely useless thing I claim needs to go he says we'll keep because we could use it 'sometime'. God.
I hope he goes nuts and just throws it all out.
We've saved every computer game box, every manual, every CD case, every CD spiral, every keyboard, every guidebook every wire and every monitor to ever enter this home. Every sheet of useless paper, every guide every tutorial, even for things we don't use anymore.
I wish I could take it all and sneak it in the garbage. Because I swear to you, he wouldn't notice. The only reason he would.. would be when he realized the house was so much cleaner.
He says in frustration 'there's no place to put anything in this house! There's just so much crap!' .... The thing he forgets is, all the crap is his.
I mean, seriously.. I found a broken paper-cutter up here that he never got rid of, and a huge stack of really, really, really ugly paper for the printer. I mean seriously, when are we going to print something on dirty brown or neon pink paper?
He claimed that we 'could' use it so we shouldn't get rid of it. Christ. If we need paper, we can buy some. We don't need to stash ugly paper up here with the rest of our overloaded upstairs.
Yet he had SUCH a hard time getting rid of them. He said "why are these down here" and I said nothing.
Now he sighs quite audibly as he tries to clean up his mess.
I asked him to get rid of some of it but whatever shitty completely useless thing I claim needs to go he says we'll keep because we could use it 'sometime'. God.
I hope he goes nuts and just throws it all out.
We've saved every computer game box, every manual, every CD case, every CD spiral, every keyboard, every guidebook every wire and every monitor to ever enter this home. Every sheet of useless paper, every guide every tutorial, even for things we don't use anymore.
I wish I could take it all and sneak it in the garbage. Because I swear to you, he wouldn't notice. The only reason he would.. would be when he realized the house was so much cleaner.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Of Two Lovers
Wess and I are going to have a blog together.
God knows what we'll use it for, but we want to.
I'll link you to it when I create it.
God knows what we'll use it for, but we want to.
I'll link you to it when I create it.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Fear
My heart went to my throat as I realized what had happened.
'I upset him.. somehow.. how..... was it what I read? was it me.. what was it....'
silent panic
I hung up the phone and went upstairs, fear and guilt choking me.
My eyes stared at his away message. 'I made it worse, much much worse.... no.... Wess........'
I looked to myspace, in hopes of some sign, anything.. To say something...
"I need your shoulder tonight"
Just as I was on the phone with him...
My eyes scan for anything more to tell me...
With the bulletin, fear jolted through my veins.
"Snapped"
"he runs out his front door
heading to who knows where
tonight"
My heart hammers in panic. 'Wess.. no.. please.. please please.. don't go..' Fear consumes me and no calm can be achieved with any stupid thoughts of 'he'll be okay'. "no he won't he won't oh god he won't" whispers my head..
To Malila's company I stumble.
"My life sucks more than yours!"
I say this in reference to our conversation that day, how Artemisa and Malila was debating whose life sucked more.
She said to me this:
Malila: Now, Do exactly what I say in the astricks, and scream at the top of your lungs what I type in caps. OK? You ready for this!?
Me: I guess so, I'm home alone, so sure
Malila: *flap arms like chicken and dance* HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN!?
Me: *does it and cracks up*
Malila: *dance again* HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN!?
Me: not at the top of my lungs but close XD, oh god
Malila: *dance the kabooteh dance* HOW BIG IS YOUR KABOOTEH!?
Me: haha, at least I got a laugh out of that, thank you XDD
At the diversity assembly today, at the end, a large group of people showed us singing from South Africa, and then... They did something else African, in English... And that is what they said. "HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN!?" and dancing. It cracked me up for Malila to say that, and I did it which was even funnier.
Though I was in a mad panic, I was glad to smile.
I told her the issue. "Well that's not good"
I told her I was scared scared scared and I didn't know what was wrong and was just so scared..
I said to her.. "to hell with it, I'm calling his home number.. it's 1 AM over there.. *sigh* I hate to disturb his fam"
Malila: well if its an emergency..
Me: I don't know if it is, I don't know if he's just taking a walk or breaking down a whole lot.. Ack ack ack I'll just call.
Thank god, he answered.. I was so relieved but also still so afraid...
"Why are you afraid?"
"What do you mean why am I afraid? You're hurting and I don't know why and it's 1 AM and you're saying you're running off into the night and I don't know what to do!!"
We talk longer.. At first he sounds very peeved at me for being in his face, but I talk to him longer.. And he spills why he's so upset.. And with that I understand, and my voice softens with realization... He's afraid.
Afraid, so very afraid.. Afraid to lose his heart. Because if he does, he feels he'll never love again, and that it'll kill him. He loves me so much that he couldn't love anyone else, he believes. Not even if I left..
He said to me softly, "I want to so badly..", that he wanted to put his trust in me and open his heart to me completely.. But he's afraid.. I told him I understood, and I do. It's the biggest risk and it's so scary.. I whispered to him reassuring words that I truly meant, whispering that I loved him too much and I'd never even thought of leaving him, even when things were really bad. "I love you too much.. when we're fighting or upset, I just want to hug you and say I'm sorry so it can be over with and we can be smiling together again.."
I love him so much.... I want him to trust me.. It's hard for him. He's so afraid that he'll do something again and I won't forgive him, and he'll lose me..
He won't.. He won't.
He loves me too much. I love him too much. I won't abandon him. I won't let it be too much weight and I won't let fears take over, I won't let fights and misunderstandings make me forget how much he loves me..
My poor Wess... He's just afraid....
'I upset him.. somehow.. how..... was it what I read? was it me.. what was it....'
silent panic
I hung up the phone and went upstairs, fear and guilt choking me.
My eyes stared at his away message. 'I made it worse, much much worse.... no.... Wess........'
I looked to myspace, in hopes of some sign, anything.. To say something...
"I need your shoulder tonight"
Just as I was on the phone with him...
My eyes scan for anything more to tell me...
With the bulletin, fear jolted through my veins.
"Snapped"
"he runs out his front door
heading to who knows where
tonight"
My heart hammers in panic. 'Wess.. no.. please.. please please.. don't go..' Fear consumes me and no calm can be achieved with any stupid thoughts of 'he'll be okay'. "no he won't he won't oh god he won't" whispers my head..
To Malila's company I stumble.
"My life sucks more than yours!"
I say this in reference to our conversation that day, how Artemisa and Malila was debating whose life sucked more.
She said to me this:
Malila: Now, Do exactly what I say in the astricks, and scream at the top of your lungs what I type in caps. OK? You ready for this!?
Me: I guess so, I'm home alone, so sure
Malila: *flap arms like chicken and dance* HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN!?
Me: *does it and cracks up*
Malila: *dance again* HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN!?
Me: not at the top of my lungs but close XD, oh god
Malila: *dance the kabooteh dance* HOW BIG IS YOUR KABOOTEH!?
Me: haha, at least I got a laugh out of that, thank you XDD
At the diversity assembly today, at the end, a large group of people showed us singing from South Africa, and then... They did something else African, in English... And that is what they said. "HOW FUNKY IS YOUR CHICKEN!?" and dancing. It cracked me up for Malila to say that, and I did it which was even funnier.
Though I was in a mad panic, I was glad to smile.
I told her the issue. "Well that's not good"
I told her I was scared scared scared and I didn't know what was wrong and was just so scared..
I said to her.. "to hell with it, I'm calling his home number.. it's 1 AM over there.. *sigh* I hate to disturb his fam"
Malila: well if its an emergency..
Me: I don't know if it is, I don't know if he's just taking a walk or breaking down a whole lot.. Ack ack ack I'll just call.
Thank god, he answered.. I was so relieved but also still so afraid...
"Why are you afraid?"
"What do you mean why am I afraid? You're hurting and I don't know why and it's 1 AM and you're saying you're running off into the night and I don't know what to do!!"
We talk longer.. At first he sounds very peeved at me for being in his face, but I talk to him longer.. And he spills why he's so upset.. And with that I understand, and my voice softens with realization... He's afraid.
Afraid, so very afraid.. Afraid to lose his heart. Because if he does, he feels he'll never love again, and that it'll kill him. He loves me so much that he couldn't love anyone else, he believes. Not even if I left..
He said to me softly, "I want to so badly..", that he wanted to put his trust in me and open his heart to me completely.. But he's afraid.. I told him I understood, and I do. It's the biggest risk and it's so scary.. I whispered to him reassuring words that I truly meant, whispering that I loved him too much and I'd never even thought of leaving him, even when things were really bad. "I love you too much.. when we're fighting or upset, I just want to hug you and say I'm sorry so it can be over with and we can be smiling together again.."
I love him so much.... I want him to trust me.. It's hard for him. He's so afraid that he'll do something again and I won't forgive him, and he'll lose me..
He won't.. He won't.
He loves me too much. I love him too much. I won't abandon him. I won't let it be too much weight and I won't let fears take over, I won't let fights and misunderstandings make me forget how much he loves me..
My poor Wess... He's just afraid....
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Storm's Over
Every happy day ends sad.. But every sad day ends happy.
It holds true.
It really hurt me that I upset him as much as I did, it hurt me more to know I hurt him then it did to know he wasn't coming.
I don't know who's messing up. Me or him. I think we both are when we do this. I'll mess up and I'll deserve the hurt I feel with stinging words from him being hurt, but after that he sees and is sorry for what he said as well.
It was much like that other night on the phone when I was crying my eyes out. I hurt him bad that day, even though it was so small. At that time I called him and he picked up, and listened to me crying on the other side for a good ten minutes before he got ahold of me and explained that I was forgiven and that it was okay.
This time I cried on my own, and his bluntness stung with my questions desperate for anything to comfort. "you've lost your privileges for sugar-coating"
I couldn't stand to blame anyone but him for it not working, and he was sick of being blamed. I threw out demanding questions of why he quit his job and how he could do this when we were so close to being together, and why it matters to stay in a hotel, etc.
He forgave me though, when we both cooled down. I said I still felt like shit even though he forgave me, so he asked if I wanted to call so we could talk before he went to bed. We did.
It always surprises me how he laughs and sounds the same even when I do bad shit and say things I shouldn't out of emotion.
Behind it all, however I upset him, he really hates to hurt me. I know because me crying seems to strangely melt any hostile-ness in his voice. No matter how mad he acts, he suddenly loses all will to argue. He does care.. Sometimes he forgets the feeling behind it and forgets what it feels like.. But he always eventually knows.
I was a bit sullen, still buzzing with thoughts on the phone, but eventually we were both laughing and smiling. As the night went on our words softened as did our voices, and suddenly I felt a lot more shy then I'm used to being. Especially when he said how beautiful I was. I laughed quietly. He asked why I sounded so shy and nervous, and I just chuckled and said "I'm just.. not used to hearing these things..." he replied, voice still soft, "I don't see why", which made me smile. By that I remember I think he meant, 'I don't see why you don't hear it more and why you're not used to hearing it, because it surprises me that people don't tell you all the time'. If I caught it right that is. But I think I did.
I got very shy..
Just how soft his voice was and how he'd ask things made me blush a bit.
I wanted to talk longer, but it was 1 Am and my mom caught me. She caught me very much by surprise, so I was relieved I didn't say anything weird. I had my eyes closed without realizing it, as I listened, only breaking our silences with a small giggle. She had earlier seen me on the phone, but she was up to tell me to go to bed. I quickly and quietly told him I had to go to bed.
The mood of blush shyness and calm still hasn't rubbed off, so I want to call him again today..
It holds true.
It really hurt me that I upset him as much as I did, it hurt me more to know I hurt him then it did to know he wasn't coming.
I don't know who's messing up. Me or him. I think we both are when we do this. I'll mess up and I'll deserve the hurt I feel with stinging words from him being hurt, but after that he sees and is sorry for what he said as well.
It was much like that other night on the phone when I was crying my eyes out. I hurt him bad that day, even though it was so small. At that time I called him and he picked up, and listened to me crying on the other side for a good ten minutes before he got ahold of me and explained that I was forgiven and that it was okay.
This time I cried on my own, and his bluntness stung with my questions desperate for anything to comfort. "you've lost your privileges for sugar-coating"
I couldn't stand to blame anyone but him for it not working, and he was sick of being blamed. I threw out demanding questions of why he quit his job and how he could do this when we were so close to being together, and why it matters to stay in a hotel, etc.
He forgave me though, when we both cooled down. I said I still felt like shit even though he forgave me, so he asked if I wanted to call so we could talk before he went to bed. We did.
It always surprises me how he laughs and sounds the same even when I do bad shit and say things I shouldn't out of emotion.
Behind it all, however I upset him, he really hates to hurt me. I know because me crying seems to strangely melt any hostile-ness in his voice. No matter how mad he acts, he suddenly loses all will to argue. He does care.. Sometimes he forgets the feeling behind it and forgets what it feels like.. But he always eventually knows.
I was a bit sullen, still buzzing with thoughts on the phone, but eventually we were both laughing and smiling. As the night went on our words softened as did our voices, and suddenly I felt a lot more shy then I'm used to being. Especially when he said how beautiful I was. I laughed quietly. He asked why I sounded so shy and nervous, and I just chuckled and said "I'm just.. not used to hearing these things..." he replied, voice still soft, "I don't see why", which made me smile. By that I remember I think he meant, 'I don't see why you don't hear it more and why you're not used to hearing it, because it surprises me that people don't tell you all the time'. If I caught it right that is. But I think I did.
I got very shy..
Just how soft his voice was and how he'd ask things made me blush a bit.
I wanted to talk longer, but it was 1 Am and my mom caught me. She caught me very much by surprise, so I was relieved I didn't say anything weird. I had my eyes closed without realizing it, as I listened, only breaking our silences with a small giggle. She had earlier seen me on the phone, but she was up to tell me to go to bed. I quickly and quietly told him I had to go to bed.
The mood of blush shyness and calm still hasn't rubbed off, so I want to call him again today..
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I'm choking on tears and I don't know anymore what to say to him.
Please don't leave me.
No.. no.. please don't leave me to suffer this alone. Please don't.
I know I'm horrible I get it.
I deserve nothing more..
For what I say and do..
nothing more than this suffering
this pain.
Sobbing. The tears are endless. Why do I have to.. Why.. do I.. Have to.. be.. like this..
Please don't leave me.
No.. no.. please don't leave me to suffer this alone. Please don't.
I know I'm horrible I get it.
I deserve nothing more..
For what I say and do..
nothing more than this suffering
this pain.
Sobbing. The tears are endless. Why do I have to.. Why.. do I.. Have to.. be.. like this..
Tanya you...... deserve to...
...Hurt, suffer. You deserve it. Stare at the name, you long to say another word. But you deserve this pain. So you won't. You want so badly to. You won't. You won't. You did..
Face the consequences? An excuse...
But really, you deserve the pain of not a word.
But pain.. Pain.. is.. everything.. whether it's silence or words.. Maybe tantalization is pain but facing it is as well.. So pain either way....
Please.. don't.. hurt me any more.......
Though I deserve the pain...... Please.. don't.. hurt me... any more..
I'll lie dormant and except every blow...
But please.. don't.. hurt me any more...
Oh everything I write, even here.. It makes it worse. God I can't.. I can't I can't I can't.. Do anything right..
Face the consequences? An excuse...
But really, you deserve the pain of not a word.
But pain.. Pain.. is.. everything.. whether it's silence or words.. Maybe tantalization is pain but facing it is as well.. So pain either way....
Please.. don't.. hurt me any more.......
Though I deserve the pain...... Please.. don't.. hurt me... any more..
I'll lie dormant and except every blow...
But please.. don't.. hurt me any more...
Oh everything I write, even here.. It makes it worse. God I can't.. I can't I can't I can't.. Do anything right..
Kill Me
Kill me so I won't have to do it myself.
Kill me before my dreams do.
Kill me before the regrets swallow me alive.
Kill me before I have to do wake up again.
Kill me before life slaps me with more realities.
Kill me so I won't be a coward.
Kill me so I won't take the weak way out.
Kill me so I can't hurt anyone anymore.
Kill me so I will never say another selfish word.
Kill me, suicide is selfish.
Kill me, everything I do is selfish.
Kill me so I won't see another day.
Kill me to make it stop.
Kill me to stop the tears.
Kill me so he can be with someone more deserving.
Kill me so I can just once scream aloud.
Kill me so the weight may be lifted.
Kill me before I say another word.
Kill me before my heart tears my life apart.
Kill me before I want to kill myself.
Kill me so grades won't matter.
Kill me so I won't spew more of this.
Kill me so I won't plague anyone any longer.
Kill me to stop the pain.
Kill me so love doesn't.
Kill me and set me free from this regret..
Kill me so I won't harm.
Please..
Make it stop.
Make me stop.
Make me stop.
Kill me before my dreams do.
Kill me before the regrets swallow me alive.
Kill me before I have to do wake up again.
Kill me before life slaps me with more realities.
Kill me so I won't be a coward.
Kill me so I won't take the weak way out.
Kill me so I can't hurt anyone anymore.
Kill me so I will never say another selfish word.
Kill me, suicide is selfish.
Kill me, everything I do is selfish.
Kill me so I won't see another day.
Kill me to make it stop.
Kill me to stop the tears.
Kill me so he can be with someone more deserving.
Kill me so I can just once scream aloud.
Kill me so the weight may be lifted.
Kill me before I say another word.
Kill me before my heart tears my life apart.
Kill me before I want to kill myself.
Kill me so grades won't matter.
Kill me so I won't spew more of this.
Kill me so I won't plague anyone any longer.
Kill me to stop the pain.
Kill me so love doesn't.
Kill me and set me free from this regret..
Kill me so I won't harm.
Please..
Make it stop.
Make me stop.
Make me stop.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Tape Mania and my Locker
Bah.
Haven't seen Wess all today. Hung out for like three hours waiting for him. Oh well.
A bit less self-concious. Guess I just needed a long bath.
*stretches* Uuugh, homework. And ugh my back. Sore.
I remember when I could lay down in the bathtub. I wish I still could. But then I'd be ridiculously short.. So I wish our bathtub was bigger.. but then it wouldn't fit.. I wish we had a bigger bathroom then.
Sharing a bathroom with four people, I wonder if many people do.
I'd sleep easier if I could talk to Wess. I don't like going a day without him.
He's probably exhausted.. At least he'll sleep good.
I hope all is well.
During lunch, about five minutes before Japanese class was to start, two of the freshman boys in my Japanese class started tearing off the large length of tape globs stuck on the wall. There used to be a sort of mural up there, and for each piece of it was about fifty small pieces of rolled tape. They were randomly taking it down, god knows why. Then someone else joins in. And then whats-her-name joins in. And then I think 'to hell with it' and start grabbing at the tape.
I don't know why it was so satisfying. And I don't know why they gave me the strong urge to do it too.
After a while I was gathering a fairly good-sized tape ball, which made it easier to pick up tape because I could just whack the ball on the wall and pull off more. Was fun.
Amazing timing it was, when just before I was thinking of stopping the tape-mania and going to class (I was actually right outside the classroom, convenient), the fire alarm went off. That was neat.
I'm having fun with my locker. On there is posted "Tanya loves Wess A!". I was surprised that it went a good two weeks without anyone touching it or even writing anything on it as graffiti. Someone did attempt to tear it off but I taped it on good, and then taped the tears and wrote on it "Don't rip down my sign, you bastard!", at the very bottom.
I attempted a doodle sheet to see what people would come up with, but I guess my locker was near too many immature freshmen classes, so all I got was some obscenities. So I tore it down the next day. I replaced it with an entry. I wrote on lined paper a sort of 'note to self'. I wrote to remember that high schoolers, especially freshmen boys, should be expected to have the maturity of 6th graders. Then I went on a bit about other things.
I decided to write a little entry everyday and tape it on my locker.
Inside my locker I only have one thing taped on. It says "Boys have cooties! (except Wess)" Because I only have one guy who's a friend of mine (at least an acquaintance), besides Wess and a few online guys I talk to. So I'll use the 'cootie' excuse for not liking them.
I'm sleepy and I still have work to do. Time for me to go.
God I miss you Wess.
Haven't seen Wess all today. Hung out for like three hours waiting for him. Oh well.
A bit less self-concious. Guess I just needed a long bath.
*stretches* Uuugh, homework. And ugh my back. Sore.
I remember when I could lay down in the bathtub. I wish I still could. But then I'd be ridiculously short.. So I wish our bathtub was bigger.. but then it wouldn't fit.. I wish we had a bigger bathroom then.
Sharing a bathroom with four people, I wonder if many people do.
I'd sleep easier if I could talk to Wess. I don't like going a day without him.
He's probably exhausted.. At least he'll sleep good.
I hope all is well.
During lunch, about five minutes before Japanese class was to start, two of the freshman boys in my Japanese class started tearing off the large length of tape globs stuck on the wall. There used to be a sort of mural up there, and for each piece of it was about fifty small pieces of rolled tape. They were randomly taking it down, god knows why. Then someone else joins in. And then whats-her-name joins in. And then I think 'to hell with it' and start grabbing at the tape.
I don't know why it was so satisfying. And I don't know why they gave me the strong urge to do it too.
After a while I was gathering a fairly good-sized tape ball, which made it easier to pick up tape because I could just whack the ball on the wall and pull off more. Was fun.
Amazing timing it was, when just before I was thinking of stopping the tape-mania and going to class (I was actually right outside the classroom, convenient), the fire alarm went off. That was neat.
I'm having fun with my locker. On there is posted "Tanya loves Wess A!". I was surprised that it went a good two weeks without anyone touching it or even writing anything on it as graffiti. Someone did attempt to tear it off but I taped it on good, and then taped the tears and wrote on it "Don't rip down my sign, you bastard!", at the very bottom.
I attempted a doodle sheet to see what people would come up with, but I guess my locker was near too many immature freshmen classes, so all I got was some obscenities. So I tore it down the next day. I replaced it with an entry. I wrote on lined paper a sort of 'note to self'. I wrote to remember that high schoolers, especially freshmen boys, should be expected to have the maturity of 6th graders. Then I went on a bit about other things.
I decided to write a little entry everyday and tape it on my locker.
Inside my locker I only have one thing taped on. It says "Boys have cooties! (except Wess)" Because I only have one guy who's a friend of mine (at least an acquaintance), besides Wess and a few online guys I talk to. So I'll use the 'cootie' excuse for not liking them.
I'm sleepy and I still have work to do. Time for me to go.
God I miss you Wess.
Huh
It's amazing how self-concious I'm feeling these days. Damn. It's really annoying. To look in the mirror and suddenly wince at what you see. Maybe it's because for once I kinda have a reason to care about me looking decent.
Blah. Hands, don't touch face. Leave it alone and it'll be fine.
Blah. Hands, don't touch face. Leave it alone and it'll be fine.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)