In the last week, my 'self mutilation' has increased about double. By mutilation I mean scratching my face to a pulp. Why? Hell if I know. But I currently have on four bandaids in hopes to keep my fingers away from my face acne and flaws so I won't make it worse.
Is it because I'm nervous..?
I'm not really sure. When I do it I'm nervous usually. When I think and get nervous. Maybe I'm nervous I'm not pretty enough? Funny how what I do when I'm nervous just increases this. Makes me look ten times worse, red blotched and gross. *sigh*
I wish I could stop.
I'm attempting to keep myself from this, gotta make good habits. Wash face, apply bandaids, make it so I can't cause any more harm.
I have to stop if I seriously don't want to be ugly when I meet him. I don't want to be covered in bandaids and blotched. So I'll let that inspire me to not even reach up to my face. .....
*sigh*
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